Never the Only One

The goal of this piece is to reduce the stigma in South Asian communities that is associated with mental health, and to show that we are never alone.

Faiza: Yesterday, tears were shed and I don’t know why, somehow my soul was drowning and the only escape was through my eyes. Now I’m singing melodies underneath my breath, because the warmth of my voice seems to be all that can fill the haunting cold. Trained to fear the cold stares and harsh judgement of everyone around, I’ve begun to wonder what the snow angels will think if they notice my silent cries for help. I wish I knew why I feel the way I do, but my hands are grasping the air in panicked prayer, wishing that an answer would float down from jannah, instead of the silence that pierces the air. No one knows how I feel, I’m all alone.

Mahira: As the world moves forward around me I feel lost and alone, not being able to find my way out of this dark forest of grief. Everyone I see looks so happy, while I’m praying to Allah every night that I wake up as someone else, with all of my sadness left behind. The cold is overbearing, and the howling wind seems to taunt me with it’s carefree dances that knock on the cage of sadness I’ve been trapped in without the key. They say that everything is for a reason, but right now, I’m struggling to figure out why this burden had to be placed on me. No one knows how I feel, I’m all alone.

Maybe it was luck, maybe it was fate, or maybe it was Allah’s guiding hand, but little did Mahira and Faiza know on those days of sadness that soon they would find friendship, and through that bond they would find peace. When you’re used to feeling completely alone, and you’re taught to put up a quiet, happy front for everyone around, it can seem impossible to muster up the courage to speak to someone new. But one day, Mahira and Faiza realized that the person sitting right next to them was more similar than they initially thought, and through noticing those similarities they were able to find that courage. Faiza noticed Mahira’s pen shake as she took her notes, and felt a tinge of comfort because hers did the same. And Mahira noticed Faiza’s shoulders tense up when she was called upon to answer a question in class, and how maybe she was nervous to speak up too. Through a simple gesture of greeting each other, they both felt recognized and appreciated, which was the first step to feeling less alone. Though their conversations started off surface level, a friendship bloomed, and as they slowly learned more about each other, they realized that they weren’t so different after all.

“…and as they [Faiza and Mahira] slowly learned more about each other, they realized that they weren’t so different after all.”

Mahira: It was hard to tell her about how I feel when I go home, but it just felt right. We had talked about everything in our lives, and yet somehow not enough. The minute we did, I knew I could trust her, because she didn’t look away, ashamed of what she was hearing. Instead, she empathized with how I was feeling, and even started to open up too. It felt like light was entering all the cracks and making them beautiful again. Sharing how we felt made me feel safer and less isolated. I started to realize that while I don’t know why I have to bear this struggle, it will make me stronger, and for right now that’s enough of a reason for me. 

Faiza: She told me about her sadness, and I told her about mine. It felt like for once I wasn’t being judged or scrutinized, because someone felt the same way. I found peace and comfort in her reassurances that it wasn’t just me. I still don’t know why I feel the way I do, but now I know that there is someone there who has my back, and will help me find my way. The forest doesn’t feel so cold anymore, and I’m starting to see the stars again.

Through the bonds their friendship created, they found the courage to speak to someone other than each other. They found the courage to speak to professionals, the people their cultures told them were off limits. They began to question why this was the case, because it made them feel even more relieved to know that things would get better. Faiza and Mahira were able to talk through their struggles, to question what they had always known, and appreciate the values, traditions, and people that would always be there for them. They realized together that they weren’t alone, because you never really are the only one.  

Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.